After spending a week with my kids in Paris, I jumped back on the plane to Edinburgh. This time I knew a few people, and had more hang-out time. And I’ve got to be really honest: I did absolutely NO touring of Edinburgh. Every second of the four days was spent either attending book events or hanging out with book people. Who needs tourism when you’ve got books?

So…

Friday: 3pm Emylia Hall & Karl Ove Knausgaard did a talk on writing about family. Emylia read from her THE BOOK OF SUMMERS, and oh is her style beautiful! Listening to her read was like tasting honey: rich, sweet, and left me wanting more.

Then Karl started talking about his book and it blew me away. His A DEATH IN THE FAMILY caused a scandal in his native Norway, crossing the lines for many as he aired his family’s private life in a way they thought was shockingly invasive. When he read, Karl insisted on standing up and holding a mic, which facilitated this kind of leaning side-to-side dance that he does when he reads. And by the way, in real life he looks like the Marlbolo Man mixed with Alexander Skarsgaard. Just sayin’.

Karl doing his reading dance

I bought his book and had him sign it for me afterward and told him that I too had a Norwegian father (or half-Norwegian) who was violent and scared the shit out of me. And then suddenly embarrassed that I had just blabbed this personal information to a complete stranger, I bustled off to the Authors’ Yurt. But the way he smiled a few minutes later when he sat down across the tent from me told me he had probably heard crazier stories from even stranger people.

At 5pm I went to a Young Adult event with Katie Dale and Jennifer E Smith where they talked about their books SOMEONE ELSE’S LIFE and THE STATISTICAL PROBABILITY OF LOVE AT FIRST SIGHT and the importance of serendipity and fate in their works and a lot of other interesting things. I bought both of their books afterward and made a date to go out with them and their publicists that night.

Katie Dale & Jennifer E Smith (moderated by hilarious Eve)

And then I dashed off to a talk called “What Comes Next?,” “next” in this case meaning after one dies. But if they had called the talk “Death,” I doubt anyone would have come, so well done for the marketing people on that one. Keith Gray (who I had already seen chair Patrick Ness), Kate Harrison (both YA authors) and Iona Heath (a famous doctor/general practitioner) chatted about death.

Moderator with Kate Harrison, Iona Heath and Keith Gray

The doctor said that it was interesting that she had seen no difference in the anxiety and fear of death between very religious people and those who have no faith. Keith talked about the anthology he edited about death NEXT and his book THE OSTRICH BOYS, which one kid in the audience said was “the best book ever.” And then Kate talked about her book SOUL BEACH, which she pitched as “Facebook for the Dead.”

And after, I went out with everyone in the last two paragraphs (besides the doctor), a few publicists, some bookstore people, and a film director. We encamped in a cave-like wine bar and sat around chatting until the wee hours.

Saturday

I spent most of the day at the “Presenting Life Writing Workshop,” which I joined in order to see what a writing workshop is like, since I have never been to one. There was a lot of talk about self-publishing, and how to publish your own memoir, so it was interesting to know how beginning memoir writers are now approaching publication of their own works.

After that I saw Jane Rogers talk about her book THE TESTAMENT OF JESSIE LAMB which won an Arthur C. Clarke award even though she hadn’t written it specifically as a science fiction book.

Kate Harrison & me in the wee hours

I was then scooped up by Kate Harrison, Nina Douglas (publicist for Orion) and Anthony McGowan (who, by the way, is very very funny and engaging) and swept off to Unbound where people were reading poetry that would probably have been good if we hadn’t been chatting so much that we didn’t hear any of it. KJ Wignall, who I would be on a panel with on Monday, joined us and we sat with a group of publicists who tried to convince us to go with them to karaoke at 1:30am.  Knowing I had a 10:30 event, I called it an evening and went back to my hotel.

Me and KJ with Sam Eades (center) who tried to drag us to karaoke

Sunday

At 10:30 I attended my FAVORITE event of the festival (besides my beloved Neal, of course), which was Mark Walden talking about his H.I.V.E. books and introducing his new series EarthFall. Mark was, in one word, hilarious.  In two, hilarious and engaging. He paced back and forth on the stage and had the entire audience of rabid adolescent fans laughing and participating, and discussing which were their favorite villains in fiction and film and why. (Someone took my “Sauron” but no one mentioned my “Agent Smith.”) It was truly the most entertaining book talk I’ve ever attended, and I showed my appreciation by buying H.I.V.E. (Higher Institute of Villainous Education) and having him sign it for Max.

My next event was Marcus Sedgwick, who I immediately developed an author crush on…yes, he’s cute, but his way of speaking about writing and his stories lassoed me in and held me spellbound. And he has the best book title ever: MY SWORDHAND IS SINGING. However, I bought his new one, MIDWINTERBLOOD, since I was intrigued by his description of two souls living seven different lives together.

Marcus Sedgwick, author of the truly wonderful book MIDWINTERBLOOD

I met Angie Sage in the Authors’ Yurt as we were both huddling as close as possible to the fire (I was pitifully underdressed for Scottish weather), and flashed her my ticket to her event to show my support. I followed her into the theater, and listened to her talk for an hour about the world of apprentice magicians and dragons in her SEPTIMUS HEAP series to a crowd that included three kids dressed inexplicably as vampires.

Angie Sage talking about SEPTIMUS HEAP

And after that I watched KJ Wignall and Will Hill talk about their books ALCHEMY and DEPARTMENT 19, the two having approached the topic of vampires in very different ways. The guys were funny and engaging, and afterward I was scooped up by them and their publicists and we headed to an Italian restaurant and then sat outside of Unbound and chatted until the very very wee wee hours.

Monday

KJ and I met in the Yurt bright and early, chugging coffee to make up for the lack of sleep. Since we had already chatted for hours over the last few days, we didn’t really need to prep for our talk. So we walked into the Scottish Power Theatre with our moderator Daniel Hahn and for the next hour winged it in front of about 150 Scottish school children all dressed up in their school uniforms. KJ had been joking before about how he hoped there would be more boys in the audience (to give you an idea of our difference in styles, his kissing scenes last all of 3 words, mine for a page), so I was very pleased to win the bet and see the place packed with girls.

I did my normal specialty and said some totally inappropriate things…well not actually inappropriate, but they just always come out wrong. Like how if you kissed a unicorn it would be pretty slobbery. (Don’t even ask.) But I think KJ and I did a pretty good job of entertaining the crowd, and we both sold completely out of our books afterward, so were quite pleased with ourselves and went out to lunch to celebrate.

Me with Scottish schoolgirls Rachel and Ciara (pic @byrne_rachel)

I was so sleepy from the night before that I went back to my hotel for a nap, and then, refreshed, made my way back to the festival and gave a talk about the DIE FOR ME series to a group of about 25 parents and kids. I had an excellent chair, Philippa Cochrane, who make the hour-long discussion fun and inclusive of the audience, and altogether perfect.

Marcus showed up, returning the favor of attending each others’ talks, bought my books for his daughter afterward and we chatted about WWII occupied Paris (as one does).

Afterward, I went to not only MY last event of the festival but THE very last event of the festival, which was a Sci-Fi panel of Ken MacLeod and Chris Beckett talking about future worlds. Chris’s book DARK EDEN sounded so interesting that I lined up to have him sign it for me afterward (and am halfway through it right now – it’s really good!).

After that, I was whisked off by my panel buddy KJ for a farewell drink. And that concluded my Edinburgh Festival experience.

A beautiful city, strange pig-stomach based food, a friendly and passionate public, lots of books, and new friends. The Edinburgh Book Festival was more than I ever expected it to be. I hope I get invited back!

Hurray! I’m back. You probably didn’t even know I had gone anywhere, but I’ve been off-line for a few weeks. First my cell phone decided not to let anyone on the other end hear me. And then my internet and phone service at home was accidentally cut off and couldn’t be restored for 2 weeks. I tried to do CONTEST MONDAY yesterday while hacking into my neighbor’s WiFi, but it didn’t work. So one new iPhone later, and a visit a couple of hours ago from the phone guy and I’m BACK!!!

So here is CONTEST TUESDAY, which is dedicated to celebrating UNTIL I DIE’s Norwegian Book Birthday. Give me a few words in Norwegian and you can win an Edinburgh Book Festival book bag! JOIN THE CONTEST HERE!)

And just check out the gorgeous cover that Elisabeth Bjone did for Cappelen Dam (my Norwegian publisher)! If you read Norwegian (or even if you don’t, and just want a pretty book to put on your bookshelf so that everyone will think you are extremely smart and multi-lingual) you can order one here.

Gratulerer med dagen to Kate, Vincent, Jules, Ambrose, Georgia and the rest!

Thursday

I faff around my hotel for the morning until noon, at which point I make my way for the first time in another direction, which leads me straight through the main street of the Fringe Festival.

It’s time for me to make a confession. I don’t particularly love theater. Especially street theater. In addition, mimes totally freak me out, and I will skirt a block out of my way to avoid them.

So here I am, walking through these throngs of people who are feverishly trying to pass out flyers for theater stuff and there are so many of them that they have all come up with a different scheme to get your attention. They are dressed as clowns, they are naked and tied together, they are lying on a blanket smeared with fake blood, they are leaping, grimacing, waving rubber chickens about, and yes – miming. I walk as quickly as I can through them, dodging guys in kilts who skip around to bagpipe music, girls in Shakespearean dress who bow low to me while shoving their paper in my direction, and a gang of people made up as woodland animals who I guess are supposed to look cute but who I sure as hot damn am going to see again in my nightmares.

Finally I arrive at the Scottish Storytelling Centre, where Linda awaits me for lunch. We have tasting platters and talk about writing and books and Neil Gaiman and touring and are still in full chat mode when Linda’s next date arrives. She introduces us, and it turns out to be Philippa Cochrane, who will be chairing my solo event on the 27th. I stay with them for a little while and tell them my Lucia-thought-my-grandma-turned-into-a-zombie-after-she-died story and then leave them to get down to their meeting.

I try to take another road back to my hotel in order to avoid the scary festival people, and find myself on this beautiful street,

which has a ton of shops, in one of which I found the perfect gifts for my kids.

The Plum family are huge Star Wars fans

Unfortunately the beautiful curvy road ended in the wrong place, forcing me to retrace my steps and dive back headfirst into the clown mob. I think I might have actually held my breath. Which I let out abruptly when I saw this sign on the side of an ancient building:

I re-emerge for a talk by Patrick Ness, who has packed the house with adolescents who watch his lips as if he’s spitting pearls. Keith Gray chairs the talk, and the repartee between the two men, who are friends, makes the event even more entertaining. I line up and get him to sign A MONSTER CALLS for me afterward and discover that he too was traumatized by the film A THIEF IN THE NIGHT as a child raised in Evangelical circles in the 70s. (He turns to the festival worker standing behind him and says of the film, “It was basically child abuse.”)

There is no haggis on offer this evening in the Author’s Yurt, but I settle for something safe – a salmony pasta dish, and sit next to a woman who introduces herself as Janne Teller, a Danish author who lives in Manhattan and writes fiction. When I tell her I write YA, she says that one of her YA books, NOTHING, was banned in Scandinavia. Too existentialist and dark, apparently. Her description of it—a boy who stops going to school, sits in a plum tree, and tells his classmates that life is meaningless—has me immediately add it to my TBR list.

Janne lived in Paris for a while, and our conversation veers over to the French, and she gives me her very own pearls of wisdom. Once again I am bowled over by the automatic sisterhood shared by women from seemingly all cultures: we all experience the same joys and tragedies. Over the last few days I have dared to share some recent personal sorrows with some of the women I have met and have been immediately embraced and comforted by them.

Add those women’s compassion to the fact that authors of fiction often wear their hearts on their sleeves, I know I am in the right place. With the right people. And as I fly back to Paris the next day to spend time with my children, I look forward to my return in 6 days.

Books bought in the first week of Edinburgh Festival

Wednesday

10:30 I start my day with an intellectual talk on “pursuing fugitive traces of the past”—which basically means researching rare documents to uncover previously unknown tidbits about Shakespeare, Leonardo da Vinci, Jack the Ripper and the like. The speaker is Charles Nicholl and he’s chaired by Stuart Kelly and it’s fascinating and so scholarly it kind of makes my brain hurt.

Next event: Daniel Tammet talks about his book “Thinking in Numbers.” It is billed as “An event which should open the eyes of maths geeks and numbers skeptics alike,” (myself being in the latter group), but he actually doesn’t say anything to convince me of the beauty of numbers. However, I find his description of his “high functioning autism and savant syndrome” fascinating, as well as the fact that he had to train himself to relate to people. (A feat, I suppose, for someone who can recite pi from memory to 22,514 digits in five hours and nine minutes.) I decide to order his memoir BORN ON A BLUE DAY.

Daniel lives in Paris. I think of introducing myself, but chicken out. It would be like meeting David Sedaris, whose writing I admire so much, but to whom I would have nothing to say besides raving about his books, which I’m sure gets old fast.

I float back to the Author’s Yurt thinking of numbers having colors and shapes and how different brains work, and wishing that my brain could sometimes be practical instead of ethereal- and emotion-based and suddenly find myself face to face with Charles Nicholl who is looking at me like he knows me. “I enjoyed your talk this morning,” I say, and he replies, “Oh yes, I saw you in the audience.”

(Speakers always thank me for smiling at them and tell me it’s encouraging. I don’t even know that I’m doing it—it’s like a weird subconscious cheerleading thing. Or maybe it’s the attentive look that I developed in grade school specifically to be teacher’s pet. How annoying that it still remains.)

So he and I get onto the topic of France, and his son who is moving to Paris in a  week to attend Science Po (a good university) and how Charles and his wife live in Italy near Lucca, which is one of the prettiest towns I’ve ever set eyes on.

It’s time for my next event, and I run off to a talk about women writers being parents by Rachel Cusk & Gaby Hinsliff. They talk about feminism, reverse feminism, and how many women give up high-powered careers in order to focus on what is more important in life, and at the end I’m honestly feeling a bit despairing and depressed.

I quickly repair to the Author’s Yurt, where I spy steaming food on the back table. Much to my joy there is a label saying, “Haggis, neeps and tatties” in front of bowls with three scoops of different colored stuff in them. The reason for my joy: Kimbery Derting has dared me to eat haggis, and I can never turn down a dare.

Linda Strachen, the person I had been introduced to the day before as “Linda who knows EVERYONE” sidles up to me, and I say excitedly, “Look! It’s haggis!” Being Scottish and probably having eaten a kazillion haggises in her lifetime, she smiles patiently at me and even holds my drink while I take a picture of it.

Haggis served with "neeps and tatties" (Scots: turnip and potato) The haggis is the brown part.

I sit down on one of the couches to eat, and as I finish, I say proudly to the man next to me, “I just ate haggis.” He says, “You realize that’s like eating a scab.” I suddenly want to thump Kimberly Derting, but instead ask what he writes about. “Politics,” he responds.

Oh shit, I think, but I smile nicely and ask what his book is about. It’s something about defending democracy, and he’s a professor at the University of Sheffield, so I decide it’s probably not the brightest idea to attempt to engage him in any serious way on his topic. I ask a few polite questions and tell him that I was an anti-war marcher who disengaged from politics in despair after George Bush won the second time, and after that I feel like I have contributed enough to that particular conversation.

Then he asks me what I write about. “I write paranormal romance for young adults,” I say. He stares at me blankly. “Have you heard of Twilight?” I ask. “I have teenagers,” he replies, nodding. “Well, I initially pitched my book as ‘Twilight in Paris with zombies,’” I reply.

Oh shit, I see him think. Since he had just mentioned how hard it is to talk to some audiences about his stance in politics, I pick up that thread and tell him how hard it was to talk to an amphitheater full of hysterical French teenagers right after Ian Somerhalder left the stage. Although that took an explanation of what Vampire Diaries is, and what a sex symbol Ian is, but I think in the end he kind of understood. So I think, My job of YA evangelism is done here, and I get up and join Linda and walk with her to the next talk, “The Performing Writer.”

This features a panel of Lindsey Davis (crime writer), Tania Harrison (organizer of the Latitude Festival), and Angela Robertson (with Canongate publishing) chaired by Angus Konstam. They talk about the importance of Twitter and Facebook and self-proclaimed old-school Lindsey cracks me up by saying something like, “If the fans want to know about me they can come to my website.” Afterward, much to my pleasure, Linda invites me to dinner with the entire panel plus a few other people. (She DOES know everyone!)

We eat huge piles of tapas and chat about everything under the sun and the way Tania talks about the Latitude Festival makes me want to go next year. (They have dyed sheep wandering around the festival, for god’s sake – how can I miss that?)

Magic night at UNBOUND in the Spiegeltent

Afterward, I dash back to UNBOUND since I promised the organizer I would go. I spot Jonathan Ley with a table of his friends and sit with them and watch magic tricks and listen to some creepy magic-themed stories until the day is long gone and I flit back past the castle to my hotel.